Reality Is Expendable

Ugh... I'm tired this morning. Can't seem to wake up. Maybe it's the dark clouds and the sleet that's falling, or maybe it's just because I haven't had a good night of sleep in almost two weeks. What I wouldn't give for a solid 8 hours of Z's.

In other news, I watched the latest episode of "24" last night. As usual, it included Kiefer Sutherland kicking unfathomable amounts of ass. God, I love that show. The characters are exciting, the storylines are interesting, and the realism is.. well.. transparent, I guess. Which is exactly why I like the show. It's something great to watch if you want to escape reality for a while. If I wanted something totally realistic, I'd watch one of the CSI's or maybe "Law & Order."

That's one thing that drives me nuts though. Someone will watch "24" and say, "Bah. That's ridiculous. Air Force One could never be shot down with a stolen F-117 Nighthawk!" Well, you might just be right about that. But, that show has never made the claim, nor has it set the tone, for complete realism. From the very beginning of the series, the whole idea was that anything could happen. Anyone could die, nukes could be stolen, killer viruses could be released, and it's totally possible that the main character could go through day after day of this and not go insane.

I am, however, a stickler for realism if the show tells me otherwise. Take "CSI: Miami" for example. If David Caruso suddenly gained the ability to run up walls and dodge bullets, I'd probably stop watching. Why? Because the CSI shows make a solid effort to stay grounded within the realm of fact and science.

This same rule goes for the books I read. A novelist by the name of Matthew Reilly writes books that are totally off the wall. His characters have superhuman strength, they never tire, and they can perform feat after feat of physics-bending stunts. Some people get irritated with this. They say, "Reilly isn't a talented author because his stories aren't believable." Well, no kidding! He never once claimed that they were meant to be real. In fact, he claims just the opposite and says his writing style is that of an action movie with an unlimited special effects budget. Good for him! I like reading his books when I'm in the mood for raw, unrealistic action.

If I wanted a book that was based in our world, I'd probably pick up Michael Crichton or Dan Brown. Both of them still write far-fetched stories, but they make a point to stay within the laws of our society and environment. Well, for the most part. If Michael Crichton's characters started displaying awesome feats of unreasonable strength, I'd probably wonder what drugs he was on and put the book away.

It's all about tone. So, please, if you have a friend who complains that "24" is unrealistic and refuses to watch it, leave him/her alone. Let them ignore this exciting show. It's just a shame that they don't know what they're missing.

Driving Me Crazy

I can't drive during the daytime. Well, I can, it's just that I loathe doing it. There are too many drivers on the road and a large majority of them are poorly skilled. The sheer lack of perception while driving is the single largest problem. It blows my mind how many drivers stop their cars in intersections, block side roads, and fail to recognize future threats more than 10 feet in front of them. Many drivers simply react to the "here and now" rather than take a look down the street that lies before them. The question of "Is there someone trying to pull out of a parking lot ahead of me?" simply never crosses the mind of these poor vehicular operators. They never notice the oncoming Buick that seems to be weaving across the double yellow line until it's practically right in front of them. Why is this?

We can't forget about the different poor driving styles either. Just on my way home from breakfast this morning, I was able to observe quite a few different styles. Let's see if you can recognize any of these types of drivers:


The One-Speed-Fits-All - This is the driver that will travel 45mph in a residential zone (30mph limit) and will then proceed to travel that speed on a major highway (55mph limit).

The Tailgater - Everyone's favorite. This is the person that drives four feet from your rear fender, even though you're doing 5mph over the speed limit. Then, once you reach a multilane road, they will tear by you as if you're the one doing something wrong. Once they've passed you, they will either drive erratically (changing lanes often, changing speed), or cut back in front of you and slow to a crawl.

The Stop-And-Go - Some drivers simply can't regulate the speed of their cars. When a traffic light turns green, they stomp on the gas and launch their cars forward. Acceleration continues until the exceed the speed limit by 5-10mph. At this point, they will throw on their brakes, bringing their speed 5-10mph below the speed limit. Again, they will switch back to the gas and plow forwards again. This cycle continues until they reach the next stop sign or traffic light.

The Left Lane Cruiser - This drives me up the wall. It's the 80 year old man in the Lincoln Towncar that insists on driving 40 miles per hour in the left passing lane. Typically, this situation is inflamed when they form a "blockade" with a car of similar speed also blocking the right lane. Sometimes, this isn't an old person. Sometimes it's just someone going the speed limit. Still, they should get out of the way too. The left lane is for faster cars. Cruising takes place in the right lane.

The Traffic Stopper - My road rage for these oblivious folks knows no bounds. They see that traffic is stopped on the other side of the intersection. They see that the light is turning yellow. They see that they cannot stop their cars clear of the intersection. So, what do they do? They stop their cars in the middle of the intersection. Brilliant! This typically clogs up traffic in all directions for a good 1-5 minutes and can sometimes last for multiple light changes. For the love of everything that is holy, why can't they stop their car BEFORE the damn intersection?!

The Territorialist - These people are typically men. Yes, I admit this freely. But, the reason for this is quite simple: Men have testosterone. The area around these drivers are their "territory" and nobody better move in on it. If you try to pass them, they speed up. If you change lanes behind them, they will cut in front of you. If you try to change lanes in front of them, they will speed up and block your rear quarterpanel. "You're not cutting in front of MY car!" they will say.

The Idiot - This is the ultimate. These are the proud, the few, the morons. These drivers will exhibit any number of the traits I have mentioned previously in this post. But, they take it to the next level and even add some tricks of their own. They will stop their car in the middle of an active highway lane and open their car doors. They will blow through a crosswalk and ignore the old woman who is trying to cross the street. They believe the laws of physics don't apply to them, and attempt to change lanes into your car without looking. These people are dangerous and there is no hope for them. No chance for redemption, no chance for re-education, and no chance for rationalization. Their licenses need to be revoked. Now.

The (Bethlehem) Police - I'm sure this probably applies to some other police forces out there, but I'm convinced that my local police department goes above and beyond anything else in the United States. This does not apply to all police officers! There are quite a few genuinely nice law enforcement officials out there. But, there are the bad apples... These folks believe they are above the law and will drive like it. Running red lights, rolling through stop signs, changing lanes without signaling, tailgating, cutting other drivers off, stopping in intersections, driving 50mph in residential areas, and more. They do it all without their red lights or sirens running. None of these maneuvers are done in emergency situations! They sit behind the wheel, heads encased in aviator sunglasses, one hand on the 12 o'clock position of the wheel, staring straight ahead. They are vigilantes and nobody can stop them. If you question them, they will level any charge they can find at you. This is what makes them so dangerous on the road. They rage onward, unchecked by authority.


There's your basic rundown of some common driving methods that can be found on your local road. No corner of the earth is safe from a poor driver. But, there is hope. Even the worst drivers can eventually pile up so many traffic tickets that their licenses simply disappear.

At this point, you're also probably wondering why I'm so utterly bitter towards my local police force. Well, that's another story for another time. Actually, it's more like another rant for another time.

"Zombie" Is My Name

In a masterstroke of sheer brilliance, I only slept four hours last night. I think. Maybe it was three and a half. I really can't be sure, to tell you the truth. All I know is that the last time I looked at the clock, it read 3:30am. Shortly thereafter, I fell asleep and got up again at 7:30am. This is what late-night sessions of Scrabble with friends will do to you, folks.

The first half of the day wasn't too bad. I was just a little sleepy. Now my eyes are semi-bloodshot, my brain feels like it's suspended in a jar of formaldehyde, and my reflexes are probably down in the 30-40% range. The worst part is that now it's late in the day. A nap is completely out of the question or else I risk destroying my sleep schedule tonight. So, I've got to power through until around 11pm when I can finally cave in and sleep.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "This guy is complaining about getting four hours sleep? Hah! What a lightweight." Well, I'm sorry, but sometime in the last couple years, I've started living on "old man" time. I need my 7-8 hours of sleep per night or else I get cranky and yell at the nursing home attendants.

Speaking of sleep, have you ever heard of Polyphasic Sleep? Supposedly, it's the act of foregoing solid nights of sleep for intermittent naps during the course of the day. Typically these naps take place for 20-30 minutes, about six times per day. The idea is that the brain adapts to the short naps and instead of taking the usual amount of time to cycle into REM sleep, it occurs within the span of the nap. The result is a highly refreshing power nap that keeps you going for a few hours until the next nap. Not convinced? Check out this guy's blog. He gave it a shot for 90+ days and lived to tell the tale!

It's okay. I'm not convinced either. Doing something like that has to be harmful to the body. Maybe the brain adapts pretty well, but what about the prolonged relaxation that's necessary for things like muscular healing? With your body going, going, going almost constantly, I have to imagine there are long-term physical ramifications. Honestly, if I could see some studies that provided solid evidence to the contrary, I'd love to try Polyphasic Sleep. Just think of the productivity once the body grows used to it. But, until then, I'm going to stick with my highly refreshing 7-8 hours of dreamy slumber.

Still Working

Most of my time has been filled with web design over the past few days. Having not designed a website from scratch in the last 8 years, I'm having a tough time getting back into the swing of things. Especially with some of the newer technologies that I've never installed myself, such as Movable Type. But, everything seems to be going well. Slowly, but surely, my new writing website is starting to come together. Pretty soon it might even be functional.

In the meantime... Wait, no... I don't have any "meantime." This is it. I spent 12 hours working on my website yesterday, about 8 hours over the weekend, 6 hours on Friday, and 8 hours on Thursday. That means... (doing addition in head)... I've been working on this for 34 hours. Now if only I was able to charge somebody for this.

Iolites, Tigereyes, and Beryls... Oh My!

I'm sorry to announce that the title of this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with its content. I had gemstones on my mind this morning in the shower and started coming up with bizarre phrases that replaced regular words with their mineral counterpart. Or, at least somewhat close.

Don't you love super-quiet talkers in bookstores? I was in a local shop earlier this evening and there was a couple standing on the other side of the bookcase. You could barely hear them talk. It only came out as a low hushed "whooshing" noise. Normally, I'd be happy for that kind of thing, since it was in a bookstore. But, apparently when they were whooshing to one another, they were telling jokes. Because every so often, they'd punctuate their low talking with resounding screechy laughter. Now that's obnoxious. If someone's going to be laughing near me, I at least want to know what they're laughing about! Share the humor, folks!

In other news, I'm currently working to put together a writing website for myself. It occurs to me now how far web design technology has come in the last 6-7 years. CSS didn't even exist when I last built a website from scratch. Instead, I was resorting to constructing a page from tables and shoddy graphics. Now, with CSS, everything is so damn easy! Just type in the content and use CSS to organize and present it. Unfortunately, it still takes me 4 hours to decide on a color scheme for the site. What a chore that is.

We can all (yeah, right) look forward to the release of my new site in the coming weeks. I'll release more details as we close in.

Now With Bleach!

On a total whim, I decided to pick up a bleach kit from my local CVS the other day. I wasn't really sure if I'd use it or not, but I figured it would be there "just in case." This afternoon I get a call from Paul, who says to me, "You going to bleach your hair today?" Sure, what the heck.

Anyone who is familiar with my past, knows that about my adventures with bleach back in late-2001. I had longer hair at the time and left the bleach in my hair for much longer than I should have. The result was a yellowish color. My hair had also turned into straw. This time, I vowed to do a better job. I applied the bleach in lesser quantities and left it in for about half the time. Thankfully, my shorter hairstyle does a better job of sporting the bleached look, which is more of an orangy-yellow this time around. The darker spot on the side of my head in the photo is just from the lighting.

The whole deal took almost two hours and a few touch-ups. But, in the end it was a success. Thanks to Paul for making sure the back of my head was the same color as the front of my head. Without his assistance, I'd probably look like a skunk.

I don't know why, but I suddenly feel the need to go to a hardcore techno danceclub and wave around glowsticks. Hmm...

Uhh...

I have no witty banter to share with you today. As you can see by the lack of posts, this has been a pretty uneventful week. I suppose I could recap a few interesting things that have cropped up lately. That might provide some mild amusement.

I'm planning a trip to Florida in March. My friend, Matt, is getting married in May and I'm doing the whole Best Man thing. Rather than go along with the standard "bachelor party" fare, I suggested a trip. Seeing as how we're both LA Dodgers fans and the Dodgers spend spring training in Vero Beach, it seemed like a no-brainer. I mostly can't wait for three things: Seeing a couple Dodgers games, riding in an airplane (haven't done that since 1986 - and I don't even remember it), and driving the Ford Mustang that I reserved at Budget Rent-a-Car. If you know me, it's no secret that I am a huge fan of Mustangs, especially the classic design from the late-60's and early-70's. Since the new Mustang design incorporates the older styling, you might guess that I'm excited to be driving one.

I began my rewrite of "Gaia Theory" this week. It's the novella that I wrote for a Labor Day weekend contest. I was never really satisfied with the ending of the original story, so I'm looking forward to revising and lengthening the story. I plan on changing multiple aspects of the storyline which should give me more room to develop my characters. The ending will be different too. This time, the humans will not make peace with the alien forces! Muah hah hah...

I've been reading a great book lately called The Introvert Advantage. It talks about the differences between introverts and extroverts based on scientific studies and interviews. I've always known myself to be an introvert, as I enjoy thinking to myself in quiet environments and I feel repelled from busy situations. But, this book really hammers home a few concepts that were a bit foggy to me. For example, I've always wondered how some people can instantly fire off responses or jokes during a conversation with a random stranger, yet I have difficulty doing so. The reason for this is because an introvert's brain is "wired" differently than an extrovert. It takes longer for information to be processed, but it's processed more thoroughly. Which explains why some people will walk away from a conversation and 10 minutes later suddenly think of a perfect response to a prior comment/question. This is also why, during meetings, introverts will sit in silence while extroverts fire ideas around the room. Introverts are processing the information and typically come up with their best ideas minutes or hours after the fact. Fascinating stuff.

Okay, that about does it for my blog dump. Hopefully, I'll come up with something more interesting to rant, rave, or ramble about before the weekend is out.

Attack of the Clowns

I'm not one to care about looks. I'm a personality kind of guy. If someone is nice, chances are good that I like them. Fat, thin, tall, short, limping, skipping, casual, natural, spiffy, melting... It doesn't matter to me what someone looks like.

Also, keep in mind that the following is just my opinion. I'm pretty sure I'll probably inspire some resentment among a few people who read this, but this is not meant to be degrading towards these folks, nor am I saying that they're a bad person. In fact, I don't pre-judge anyone. What I think of someone is based purely on their personality. Besides, when have I ever said that I know what I'm talking about?

With that said, why do females feel the need to reconstruct their face everytime they leave the house? I swear that girls are artists from the moment they hit puberty. It takes pure talent to create such an illusion. There's makeup to reduce glare, accent the eyes, exaggerate bone structure, lengthen eyelashes, deepen cheek color, and hide imperfections. It's insane. What happened to "natural beauty"? Is this not an option anymore?

I remember a few years ago, I was waiting to go see a movie with a female friend of mine. No, we were not involved. She was just a friend. Anyone who knows me, understands that I haven't had a single girlfriend in the 24 years I've been alive. Anyway, the point is that it took her 15 minutes to "put on her face" as she called it. Fifteen minutes. What a waste of time.

And don't even get me going on perfume and cologne. Why do people (this goes for guys too, actually) feel the need to cover up their natural scent? Maybe back in the 13th century, such things were necessary to tone down the pungent smell of B.O. in the streets of Europe. But, considering that daily hygiene has become a staple of modern society, is this crap really necessary? Is the neutral smell of bar soap so offensive that we need to cover it up further? These days you can walk through the local mall and are assaulted from every angle by sixteen different synthetic scents: Brut, Aqua Velva, Lilac Fields, Chicken Anus, Linen Delight, Fresh Oak, Essence, Grunge, Crash, Inspiration, yadda, yadda, yadda. I actually find myself holding my breath when someone passes me in a retail store because I simply don't want to smell some funky new radical scent that Calvin Klein just released in a five-milliliter bottle that cost $50.

Every so often, I'll be standing in Barnes & Noble and some girl will walk by. She'll be wearing a pair of plain jeans, a sweatshirt, and a pair of Converse All-Stars. No makeup, no perfume. Aesthetically, she may be of average looks. But, I find that quite refreshing. She is someone that has confidence in her own personality and realizes she doesn't need to put on a mask. She knows that she will be accepted for who she is and anyone that disregards her based purely on physical looks is too shallow and superficial to be worth her time. To her, I say, "Bravo."

::Cough, Cough:: COFFEE!

I'm convinced that upstate NY only has three good coffee joints: Dunkin' Donuts is pretty decent, Starbucks is fairly good, and then there's the "76 Diner" in Latham. It must be a some weird fluke of nature and somehow the fabric of reality has warped and created a place other than a coffee house that serves decent java. Not only is the coffee good, but it's better than the coffee houses. They grind it, brew it, and store it in thermal carafes. No stale beans, no burning.

This, of course, begs the question: Why can't anyone else do this? Why is it whenever I order a cup of coffee at Applebee's it's been sitting on a burner for the past four hours and doubles as varnish? At first I thought it was a diner thing. Maybe diners have a knack for keeping fresh coffee rolling throughout the day. But, the thing is that most of the other diners in a 40 mile radius serve stale, crappy coffee too.

Then again, maybe I'm just spoiled. I spend more time grinding, brewing, and serving my own home coffee than I spend taking my morning shower. Almost makes me want to return to the days of pre-ground, canned Folgers coffee, simply so I won't know what I'm missing. Almost.

On the 7th Day, God Made Comments

I don't know how many people have tried, but I've unlocked the commenting on this blog so that anyone can comment. It used to be that you had to be a member of Blogger to do so, but no more. Let there be comments!

Yeah, okay. I think we both know that you're probably the only person that reads this blog.

I've Been "Housed"

I continued my new nightly ritual of watching "House, M.D." until I fall asleep, except this time around I got to watch the final episode of season 1. I excitedly keyed up the finale and watched eagerly to see how they're going to wrap things up and leave the viewer hanging for season 2. But, instead, fate decided to torture me for a good ten minutes...

At the 19 minute marker in the final episode, the video froze like Rafael Palmeiro during a random drug test. Thinking my DVD player just crapped the bed, I restarted the episode and fast-forwarded to the same scene... Frozen.

Beleaguered, I moved it on over to my computer's DVD player and... Frozen.

At this point I was weeping like Rafael after testing positive for steroids (well, almost weeping). Guess it's a bad DVD. What kind of sick, twisted trick is this? I successfully watch an entire series only to have the grand finale freeze halfway through? I feel like that guy in "Platoon," kneeling on the ground with my arms raised skyward, while Vietcong pour from the flaming jungle behind me.

Looks like I'll be heading over to FYE tomorrow afternoon for an exchange. If they don't give it to me, I'm going to give the manager a colonoscopy with the entire boxed set of "The Bob Newhart Show."

House, M.D.

It's official. I'm addicted to the show "House, M.D." starring Hugh Laurie, Omar Epps, and all those folks. I innocently rented the first disc in Season 1 from NetFlix the other day and found that I couldn't stop. Admitting I have a problem is the first step, of course.

I then decided that I wasn't about to wait for the rest of the discs in the series to arrive, so I purchased my own boxed Season 1 set from my local FYE. The past few evenings have been spent in front of my TV watching episode after episode after episode. I just can't get enough.

Hugh Laurie is awesome in his role as Dr. Greg House, with his acerbic attitude and dry wit. I've seen him pop up in other movies & TV shows before, most notably "Flight of the Phoenix," and I thought he was pretty good in those roles as well. He just excels in this show, however.

Robert Sean Leonard is excellent and he adds quite a bit of intermittent comedy into the show (not that Laurie has a deficiency in that department), but he also adds a good character from which Dr. House may bounce his ideas. Add into this cast the wonderful Jennifer Morrison, who is certainly not hard to look at, and Omar Epps, who fills his role quite well, and you've got a winner.

My only concern at this point in time is: What happens when I finish watching season 1? I have to wait to see all the season 2 episodes. Damn you DVD's and your instant gratification!

Fountain Pens

The fountain pen was introduced in 1880 and people are still using them today. But, who? I never see someone standing at the checkout counter at the supermarket whip out their $500 Montblanc fountain pen to sign the credit card slip. And I never see someone sign their tax returns with a $150 Waterman. Yet, dozens of companies make fountain pens and sell them for exorbant amounts of money.

Montblanc is so prestigious that they assign serial numbers to each of their "Meisterstuck" pens and disallow retailers to sell their pens online. The nibs are made from amalgamations of gold and platinum, while adorned by etchings. The pen itself is hand-crafted and inspected for quality. You can either have this for $400+ or you can go to CVS and pick up a dozen Bic's for under a dollar. Personally, I choose the fountain pen.

I own two fountain pens: A Waterman "Expert II" and a Lamy "Al-Star." The Waterman is my favorite because of it's smooth writing and quality construction. I also received it as a Christmas present from my Dad in 2004. The Lamy was more of an impulse purchase and although it feels cheaper, it writes very well. I use this as more of an everyday pen.

Fountain pens require a bit more care than ballpoints and they must be refilled regularly, either by inkwell or cartridge. There's also an increased chance of leakage, but I've never had that problem at all. I think that these tradeoffs are well worth the quality. The writing is smooth, the pen feels good in my hand, and the nib design forces me to write slowly, causing my handwriting to improve. At the same time, if I need to write quickly, my pens are more than up for the challenge. The Waterman most of all, as the ink flow is a veritable fire hose during furious writing sessions. Yet, it's never blotchy and the ink flow is constant.

Not bad for a 125 year old piece of technology.

Why am I blabbing on about fountain pens? Partially because I'm bored at the moment. But, as a person that does quite a bit of writing on a daily basis, take it from me: If you like to write, go with a fountain pen. A good fountain pen. Not the $19.95 special at Office Max.