Driving Me Crazy

I can't drive during the daytime. Well, I can, it's just that I loathe doing it. There are too many drivers on the road and a large majority of them are poorly skilled. The sheer lack of perception while driving is the single largest problem. It blows my mind how many drivers stop their cars in intersections, block side roads, and fail to recognize future threats more than 10 feet in front of them. Many drivers simply react to the "here and now" rather than take a look down the street that lies before them. The question of "Is there someone trying to pull out of a parking lot ahead of me?" simply never crosses the mind of these poor vehicular operators. They never notice the oncoming Buick that seems to be weaving across the double yellow line until it's practically right in front of them. Why is this?

We can't forget about the different poor driving styles either. Just on my way home from breakfast this morning, I was able to observe quite a few different styles. Let's see if you can recognize any of these types of drivers:


The One-Speed-Fits-All - This is the driver that will travel 45mph in a residential zone (30mph limit) and will then proceed to travel that speed on a major highway (55mph limit).

The Tailgater - Everyone's favorite. This is the person that drives four feet from your rear fender, even though you're doing 5mph over the speed limit. Then, once you reach a multilane road, they will tear by you as if you're the one doing something wrong. Once they've passed you, they will either drive erratically (changing lanes often, changing speed), or cut back in front of you and slow to a crawl.

The Stop-And-Go - Some drivers simply can't regulate the speed of their cars. When a traffic light turns green, they stomp on the gas and launch their cars forward. Acceleration continues until the exceed the speed limit by 5-10mph. At this point, they will throw on their brakes, bringing their speed 5-10mph below the speed limit. Again, they will switch back to the gas and plow forwards again. This cycle continues until they reach the next stop sign or traffic light.

The Left Lane Cruiser - This drives me up the wall. It's the 80 year old man in the Lincoln Towncar that insists on driving 40 miles per hour in the left passing lane. Typically, this situation is inflamed when they form a "blockade" with a car of similar speed also blocking the right lane. Sometimes, this isn't an old person. Sometimes it's just someone going the speed limit. Still, they should get out of the way too. The left lane is for faster cars. Cruising takes place in the right lane.

The Traffic Stopper - My road rage for these oblivious folks knows no bounds. They see that traffic is stopped on the other side of the intersection. They see that the light is turning yellow. They see that they cannot stop their cars clear of the intersection. So, what do they do? They stop their cars in the middle of the intersection. Brilliant! This typically clogs up traffic in all directions for a good 1-5 minutes and can sometimes last for multiple light changes. For the love of everything that is holy, why can't they stop their car BEFORE the damn intersection?!

The Territorialist - These people are typically men. Yes, I admit this freely. But, the reason for this is quite simple: Men have testosterone. The area around these drivers are their "territory" and nobody better move in on it. If you try to pass them, they speed up. If you change lanes behind them, they will cut in front of you. If you try to change lanes in front of them, they will speed up and block your rear quarterpanel. "You're not cutting in front of MY car!" they will say.

The Idiot - This is the ultimate. These are the proud, the few, the morons. These drivers will exhibit any number of the traits I have mentioned previously in this post. But, they take it to the next level and even add some tricks of their own. They will stop their car in the middle of an active highway lane and open their car doors. They will blow through a crosswalk and ignore the old woman who is trying to cross the street. They believe the laws of physics don't apply to them, and attempt to change lanes into your car without looking. These people are dangerous and there is no hope for them. No chance for redemption, no chance for re-education, and no chance for rationalization. Their licenses need to be revoked. Now.

The (Bethlehem) Police - I'm sure this probably applies to some other police forces out there, but I'm convinced that my local police department goes above and beyond anything else in the United States. This does not apply to all police officers! There are quite a few genuinely nice law enforcement officials out there. But, there are the bad apples... These folks believe they are above the law and will drive like it. Running red lights, rolling through stop signs, changing lanes without signaling, tailgating, cutting other drivers off, stopping in intersections, driving 50mph in residential areas, and more. They do it all without their red lights or sirens running. None of these maneuvers are done in emergency situations! They sit behind the wheel, heads encased in aviator sunglasses, one hand on the 12 o'clock position of the wheel, staring straight ahead. They are vigilantes and nobody can stop them. If you question them, they will level any charge they can find at you. This is what makes them so dangerous on the road. They rage onward, unchecked by authority.


There's your basic rundown of some common driving methods that can be found on your local road. No corner of the earth is safe from a poor driver. But, there is hope. Even the worst drivers can eventually pile up so many traffic tickets that their licenses simply disappear.

At this point, you're also probably wondering why I'm so utterly bitter towards my local police force. Well, that's another story for another time. Actually, it's more like another rant for another time.